Features: Queries for Carrie

Does a rose smell as sweet when his candidate is a stinker? September 2007

Query: I have this friend—an acquaintance I’d like to have become my friend, really—and he’s all fired up about the local elections in our little municipality. He’s invited me to join the campaign supporting his candidate. Sadly, I know the woman in question as I work a pink-collar job locally, and she’s a real bee-yotch. In fact, she’s downright nasty to the people who take care of her service needs around here, too bad she never thought of them as her constituents until now.  But I really like this guy and want to get to know him better, and this would be perfect. Is there a good solution here for me?
–Uncertain Upcounty

Carrie: Of course there is. Volunteer to work on voter registration, or volunteer for one of the local initiatives that will be on the ballot this year. Choosing that course, you’ll spend a fair amount of time engaged in the election process, without compromising your values. This is so you can bond over canvassing stories with the object of your affection, without having to lie to your neighbors and yourself about the personal qualities of his candidate.
Most election season romances don’t last past the sweeping up of the confetti, if the couple in question spent all their time together on a single effort. The heightened intensity of the project drains away: participation mystique will take you but so far.
Working on the election itself will make you a refuge for your buddy-to-be. He can tell you his Tales from the Trenches from whatever perspective he likes; and you can be freshly horrified, impressed or amazed without your own version of reality getting in the way of his. May your choices support you all season.

Query: Our anniversary is this month. So is hay fever season. There’s no point in our going out for a fancy meal, because I can’t taste much of anything until the pollen floats away. But I want to celebrate properly. Our relationship is central to my heart. What choices do I have?
–Afflicted on Oswego

Carrie: There are two possible directions you might go with your problem. The first is to travel to where the pollen ain’t and celebrate there. I hear the Pacific Northwest is very lovely this time of year, and the steady ocean breezes help in keeping the pollen count way down. Equally, the Caribbean has much to recommend it in your favor, give or take a hurricane. Of course, this option requires advance planning and a large outlay of resources (money, time-off from work, and care for pets, plants, or dependents).
The second option also works for those born around the major winter holidays: celebrate your un-anniversary on the opposite side of the year. You’ll be breathing freely. You’ll have your wits about you. You’ll be able to enjoy the romantic meal of your dreams without being drippy, spaced-out, or other forms of diminished and miserable. On the day itself, exchange a quiet card.
Whatever else you do, take yourself of the hook for having to celebrate when you’re in a state of supreme discomfort.

Query: All my friends have this perfect lunch box. The containers all have compartments and lids and they’re insulated. I have the same lunch box as last year. I asked my Mom to get me one. She only asked me if the one I have is broken. She’s so mean. She doesn’t understand. I have to carry this thing every day to school in front of everyone. I’m so embarrassed.
–Freaked on Fenton

Carrie: There could be a number of reasons why your mother wants you to keep using the same lunch box from last year. She may hope that you’re enjoying reusing what you already have, so that you’re not contributing to more unnecessary waste in the world. There may be a short budget crunch in the household, since there are quite a few expenses associated with going back to school—I take it you have the right clothes to wear in front of your friends, if you follow me. She may hope to be instilling values of thrift and conservation in you, so that you can do more with less all the days of your life.
It may seem, from one perspective, that your mother is mean and uncaring. But it’s more than likely that she loves you so much that she’s willing to put up with any attitude you’re handing out in order that you can take to heart a more important message in the long run. Take a moment to think about what it might be that your mother may wish for you to learn from this lunch box. If you’re not reassured by your conclusions, it may be time to start saving your allowance and any other money you may earn towards a desirable lunch box.